What am i alive and why do you hit me?

my dad abused me by giving me 3 hairbrushes when i asked for 4. i am an emotional wreck now and when he said sorry he only brought me 1 rose. so now i hate him. he hits me with balloon animals he makes me and laughs like its a joke! He always yells jokes at me like "want to hear a dirty joke???? A HORSE FELL INTO A MUD PILE! HAHA wanna hear a dirtier one? HE FELL IN AGAIN! HAHAHA!" He yelled that very joke at me and made me feel so sad i mean really a dad shouldnt do that to his beautiful child should he? Also i cant forget the time when he told me i was beautiful...it was so mean becuase he said i was more beautiful than my ugly friend fallon. I hate fallon. shes not my friend. she cheats. she has her brother run for her in the race. and then she gets first. when i should have gotten first. well anyways thats a different story I JUST FEEL SAD! :( :( :(